The Most Boring Man in the World

I've decided how I'm going to make my fortune. I'm going to write a series of children's books about the life and loves of Billy Cooper, the Most Boring Man in the World. Look for these exciting new titles soon, at your local smuthouse:

Billy Cooper is Assessed a Hefty Fine
("Thank you, your Honor. I deserve this.")

Billy Cooper and the Actuarial Table
("I'm saving to live another forty-six years!")

Billy Cooper and the Certificate of Deposit
("It's conservative!")

Billy Cooper and the Package Tour to the U.S. Virgin Islands
("What? The former Danish Virgin Islands? Matilda, we're leaving this instant!")

Billy Cooper and the 34th Birthday Celebrated in Lackluster style at Chili's
("Matilda, you're not listening. I'll pay for the onion rings. I just want someone else to eat some of them.")

Billy Cooper and the Middle Management Position
("We need to ask for approval.)

Billy Cooper and the Two Instances of Marital Infidelity
("At the sales conference in Tuscon, with Mindy from the bills office.")

Billy Cooper and Protestantism
("After Martin Luther King, Jr., mailed his doctoral thesis to a church in Selma, Alabama...")

Look for a Saturday morning cartoon, in which a poorly rendered man eats a bowl of cornflakes, shaves, and then watches "Leonard, Part 6" in its entirety.