It's so much fun to play as an adult, and I am incredibly unlucky at it; to wit:
Baby: All right, Chris. You will marry Ted Kennedy, and with him you will have eight children, arranged in pairs of Siamese twins. You will drive a turd brown 1984 Opel between your home in a shack in Gaza City and your job as a retractable pen quality control assessor, which pays nineteen old pesos a decade. As you age, your skin will slowly harden into an impermeable shell, leaving you unable to strike your children when they disappoint you by becoming Hare Krishnas*. You will eventually die by being ground into a fine powder, and you will be reborn as a mongoose.
I've also had to marry the President and the guy from high school who smelled like dust and had weird scars. I intend to keep playing until this happens:
I will marry Adrian Brody and take him away to live in exotic splendor in Madagascar. He shall want for nothing, except internet access and clean water.
And so now, dear readers (and by "readers" I mean "Patsy"), let's try our first experiment in making "Every Day Brings A Fresh Horror" interactive... just fill in the blanks!
M*A*S*H
Who You Will Marry
1.________
2. Darryl Strawberry
3. Bristol Palin
4.________
What You Will Drive
1. Dogsled
2.________
3.________
4. Adult-Scale Tricycle
What Your Job Will Be
1. Archbishop of Canterbury
2.________
3. Harlem Globetrotter
4. Mermaid hunter
Where You Will Live
1. Ciudad Juarez, Mexico
2. Towson, Maryland
3. your mother's basement/spare room
4.________
How Your Children Will Disappoint You
1. They will convert to a strange "ethnic" religion you can't really convert into, like Sikhism or Haredi
2. Insurance actuaries
3.________
4. Siamese twins that argue incessantly
Health Problems You Will One Day Face
1.________
2. Mittelschmerz
3. voodoo curse
4. "floating bowel"
How You Will Eventually Die
1. Eaten by wolves
2.________
3. Pinned under a fallen vending machine, then eaten by wolves
4. Pinned under a fallen vending machine, partly eaten by wolves, then spontaneously combusting
Then pick a number, for example five, and go through and cross off each fifth thing, skipping crossed-out items, until one outcome remains in each category. It's literally minutes of mild amusement!
*For those of you who think Hare Krishna is a hopelessly dated 80s reference, let me assure you. They are ALL OVER New Zealand. They have their own restaurant. The food is okay. Also, what is the plural? Hare Krishnas? Hares Krishna? Harae Krishnae?
2 comments:
Please please please add me to the "who you're going to marry" category next time and continue playing until it lands on me.
So... I love you. I love you so much that at times, it hurts me. Please, PLEASE marry Ted Kennedy! Seriously, he may be dead soon and it is important that he will have found true love in his life.
So, whats new with grad school?
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